sdfad

The course of life is certainly not a subject that I have proper authority to speak upon. For I can be defined as nothing more than a community college student with a terrible sinus infection, doped up on codeine. All while attempting to balance the intriguing and joyous lifestyle of tobacco, friends sex, adderall, and which ever other prescription pills are in the forecast that week. But like any human being with a decent IQ, I often find myself pondering life itself... ya know? - the meaning, the people, the past, future, present, etc. etc.
So although old people are overheard constantly complaining about how difficult the teenage years can be, and how stupid teenagers are... I really beg to differ. No respect to old people, however, I believe these are the best years and I believe we are far from stupid. I have come to believe that the elderly (being 35+) have simply responded to this age group in jealousy. Of What?
Of Freedom.
This is the ticket of being young. We have freedom. Never again will we have it. Unless, of course, you decide to never work, never marry, never reproduce, or never get old and helpless enough to require a nursery. Otherwise, you are set with a ticket of freedom...
I ask you to embrace this...

and why you are doing so.
Be reminded.
I am making a new blog ;)

xghmxtmh

I do not feel the need to express anything, at all... Yet, I sit tonight with a terrible case of insomnia, and a horribly powerful motivation to write.

Though, I lack a subject...
Why must insomnia be so cruel to me?

T R U T H ?

coffee. cigarettes. water. air.
=
a quick fix to purity.

I have never felt so motivated before.

You don't understand.

If you told me I was killing myself, I would laugh in your face. Truly.

Day One.

Time is slipping past me... so quickly.
Before I know it, the week will have passed and I will once again be pushed back into the devastating classroom at the horridly boring community college.

My life is at a standstill.

I have filled out my paperwork to volunteer with hospice... and I am continuing my search for a new job... I have decided that in order to please the people around me, I must force myself to act as I once did. I must push past the obstacles to contain a stoic persona.

Though my incriminating addictions have returned to me - and I know it is not long before I am once again spiraling down the path of doom - I am satisfied with my decision to return to my old ways.

I am not ignorant in the least bit - with all of my flaws so public now, I am fully aware that I am under constant surveillance, however, I couldn't care less. Honestly, I do not care if the whole world knows. What it comes down to is this: I have chosen a lifestyle that suits me, and brings happiness to me. I have found a pattern and a daily plan to bring self-control and strict discipline into my life. These are qualities that many people will never find. I have chosen this lifestyle and I am utterly pleased with my decision to do so.

The fact of the matter is that all of the surrounding people have left me once again.
I am stranded on the same island that I was just recently rescued from.
There seems to be no life on this island. no food. no shelter. not anything.
And I am satisfied. Simply because I have the one thing that brings joy into my life.

So...
I have a three word answer for anyone questioning my "risky" behavior...

"LET ME BE."


;)

it's so good to be back.