Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Day One.

Time is slipping past me... so quickly.
Before I know it, the week will have passed and I will once again be pushed back into the devastating classroom at the horridly boring community college.

My life is at a standstill.

I have filled out my paperwork to volunteer with hospice... and I am continuing my search for a new job... I have decided that in order to please the people around me, I must force myself to act as I once did. I must push past the obstacles to contain a stoic persona.

Though my incriminating addictions have returned to me - and I know it is not long before I am once again spiraling down the path of doom - I am satisfied with my decision to return to my old ways.

I am not ignorant in the least bit - with all of my flaws so public now, I am fully aware that I am under constant surveillance, however, I couldn't care less. Honestly, I do not care if the whole world knows. What it comes down to is this: I have chosen a lifestyle that suits me, and brings happiness to me. I have found a pattern and a daily plan to bring self-control and strict discipline into my life. These are qualities that many people will never find. I have chosen this lifestyle and I am utterly pleased with my decision to do so.

The fact of the matter is that all of the surrounding people have left me once again.
I am stranded on the same island that I was just recently rescued from.
There seems to be no life on this island. no food. no shelter. not anything.
And I am satisfied. Simply because I have the one thing that brings joy into my life.

I have a three word answer for anyone questioning my "risky" behavior...



it's so good to be back.

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