Thursday, October 29, 2009

H o s p i t a l.

The night has fallen again.
And I find my temptations to be drastically heightened.
Tomorrow, my temptations will drive me to the dreadful hospital, that I have spent so many years fearing. The hospital that I have spent time and time again imagining within my mind as a dark and gloomy place - only there to help me destroy myself a little more. However,
Tomorrow, I shall go and free myself from the monster that is slowly destroying me.
The monster that is eating my spirit alive. Emptying my body of my own soul, only to take it over for themselves. I tried to become friends with the monster several times before today, and every attempt I failed horribly. He just does not seem to like me.
For, I am deteriorating. Piece by Piece I am falling apart. I am like a puzzle that was once so perfectly together and is now falling vigorously to shreds. My creative drive is lacking. I imagine that upon tomorrow's arrival my mind will be somehow find a hint of salvation... but I cannot guarantee that.
For I have spent hours dreaming and years fearing this place. Though I have known for years that this was my destiny. I have known for days that I have been ill. And now, faster than lightening strikes the ground, I am being thrown to face all of my deadliest fears in the hopes of somehow improving myself.

It saddens me to think that this is my breaking point. That this is where I have ended upon my great map of goals. I have landed here in the Land of The Dead. For, that is what I am. I am dead. I am not in the least bit living. And tomorrow upon my arrival I shall somehow begin a miraculous recovery. Oh, what these doctors believe they can conquer here within the twenty first century. They must be fooling themselves, really. For, I am already gone.

My heart is beating, but my bones are barely standing any longer. As my hair sheds from my skull, and my kidneys ache in the most wretched pain - I am barely here any longer.

What an interesting journey lies ahead for me. How great full I shall be to encounter such a grand expedition. And yet, I am not.

I feel only fear.

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