Saturday, October 31, 2009

2 days to go.

The clock has reached 4:46, & I am still unable to sleep.
My mind has wrapped itself around the complex thoughts of my fate.
As the day has ended, and tomorrow has come - I am set to embark upon a new day.
Yesterday was filled with more tears than I have let free in so very long & tomorrow is destined to be filled with reunions and utter happiness... but then again, happiness is such a feeble concept.

I wish, so often, that there was a miracle pill to calm my mind.
I wish people understood the severity of my case. I watch them when they are observing me under their own little microscopes, and I watch their eyes as they go back and forth from angst to disbelief. I wonder what behaviors I have distributed or what words I have spoken that would leave one to believe I was lying? Who would lie about such imperiously wretched things.

I guess it doesn't matter. For in my soul, I, alone, know the severity.
And to admit aloud, that my greatest fear is me, myself, is one of the hardest issues I will ever encounter. I have high hopes that my week spent in the hospital will relieve this fear... but my hopes for recovery slipped long ago.

As I grow closer to concluding this entry, my eyes are growing more heavy. I wonder to myself though, if I will actually sleep soundly once my head hits the pillow - or if I will be up until the wee hours of the morning, yet again.

I guess there is nothing else to do but to ramble on within this entry... for I have very much convinced myself that sleeping is out of the question for tonight...

Oh, how I pray for normality.

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